Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
