the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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