making cat noises will not fix the situation.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
