i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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