how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
