then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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