Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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