Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
