can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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