I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
