Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
