It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
