Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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