This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
