C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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