I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
