I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
