why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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