I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
