dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
