Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
