so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
