yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
