So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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