I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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