There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
