so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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