i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it's great music for shaving your balls
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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