Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
