Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
