Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
