white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I AM VODKA MAN
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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