Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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