I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
