My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
