Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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