Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
