Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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