i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
