Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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