I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
