if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
