dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
