where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
