I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
