apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
