Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
