Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
