Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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