How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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