Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
