Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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