I wannas sexs uuuuu
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize