You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
