I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
