She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
