So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
