I wish life had little blips of pornography
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
