If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
