it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
