Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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