I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
