Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
