all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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