My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
