Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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