He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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