i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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