The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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