i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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